“…but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.” - I Samuel 30:6
Last night I had a bizarrely strange dream. In it I was suppose to share my greatest prayer request and then justify why I should receive it. Others shared request that felt like self-aggrandizing prayers, such as, "I want to sing better than anyone else for the glory of God." And on one hand I get it, most of our prayers seem to relate to seeking something for ourselves and the current trials and cares of our lives. But on the other hand, it felt very self-seeking, as if the phrase “for the glory of God” was being tacked on at the end of prayers just to make a greedy desire seem spiritual. Then they would justify why such prayers should be fulfilled. Of course, I couldn't do any such thing, because my request was a private one, for my family, but mostly for my husband. I didn’t feel the need to share it aloud, because the Lord knows what we stand in need of, and I cannot acquaint Him with anything. Additionally, I felt unworthy for Him to answer my request, despite our need, because I am so far beneath Him. I found myself feeling awkward and stumped. All I had wanted was guidance and answer to prayer, and felt like even if I didn’t voice the specifics that there was benefit in having others pray for it as well. I thought while this entire event seemed to be a circus that there must be some among the crowd who God would hear and honor, because the "effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." I didn’t want my heartfelt prayer to be turned into a spectacle. When my time to speak finally came, I had numerous thoughts running through my head, but I was uncertain just what I’d say. Just then Matthew 10:19 came to mind, “But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.” Nervous and fidgety because I hate being the center of attention, I began to speak instead about the providence of God in our life.
This current bout of unemployment isn’t the first time that we’ve been through this hardship. This is the seventh time that we have been laid off. While the first was due in part to a mistake on our end, the other six have been through no fault of our own. While a few periods have lasted only a couple of months and we’ve gotten by on savings and severance pay, the rest have been longer trials. While I have often lamented that this seems to be our lot in life and have even at times struggled seeing others who go from job to better job, often without even looking for other work; I also recognize that a steady job and ability to work are a blessing, and we are not entitled to any blessings from God. And yet, He has often blessed us and provided for our needs during these times anyway.
The first time we were laid off, it lasted for a month shy of three years. Back then Florida unemployment paid you a percentage of your previous pay, and while it was hard we were managing to scrape by with that and our savings for a while. We even cashed out Gary’s simple IRA and lived on that for a time. Several jobs that Gary applied to remarked that he was qualified based on his experience in agriculture but that he didn’t have an ag degree, only a business degree to go with it. That was when the Lord swooped in with his first mighty example of Providence. Gary found out about a year long master’s program at the University of Florida where he could get a Masters of Agrobusiness. All in about three days, he found out, was able to take the GRE, and applied just before the deadline to the fall program. The GRE is a difficult test that must be passed in order to pursue graduate level work, but without studying or practicing Gary passed with flying colors. Gary despite applying in May even received federal funding and student loans to go back for his masters. The way it all came together simply falling into place could only be the work of the Lord. He provided a way to get the education Gary needed to be able to go further in the ag field. We experienced His providential care again only a few months later when we had exhausted unemployment in December. When, unexpectedly, a professor offered Gary a research assistanceship, which covered our bills each month until graduation.
Throughout those three years Gary worked many part time positions, anything to help us scrape by. He worked for the Census Bureau even though it led to a reduction in our unemployment pay after the temporary work ended. He delivered pizzas, painted buildings, replaced decking, and anything else he could find. Throughout this time, off and on other family and Church members would have us on their mind and give us gifts. I can remember once in particular when a brother and sister in the Church mailed us a check for almost the exact amount of our electric bill. We received the check and paid the bill on the last day before it was late.
When we were out of all options and out of all money, He again showed Himself as a caring, Heavenly Father. Gary had flown up to Indiana for a job interview and on the way home was running on fumes. We had no more money to buy gas or anything else. His sister had to pick him up on the way to Church the next morning because he didn’t have any gas left to start the car. But then, on Monday morning, the company called offering Gary a job and gave him a moving allowance that week, that helped us to move and pay bills until he got his first check.
The next time we were laid off two or three days before Thanksgiving, and this time we were far away from both of our families, with little to fall back on. But Gary got an interview for a job in Pennsylvania; however, they were going to need to reschedule it because a snow storm coming in cancelled the flights. God gave him safe travels and he drove there and got the job.
A few years later we again found ourselves laid off, and then lost our daughter. She was stillborn, and then we traveled South for her burial back home. The day after her funeral, we pulled up the job hunt websites and applied to the most unbelievable long shot of a job. A job that called us back a few days later, on the way home, and offered Gary the job. It was unbelievable, he wasn’t qualified for it, but they decided to take a chance on him. It had to be of the Lord.
There have been other periods of unemployment and numerous other insistences of God’s provision both in the area of surviving job loss and other situations as well. But this current period of unemployment has been the most difficult thus far. First, unemployment in Florida has drastically changed since our first rodeo. Now you get $250 a week and that’s it. A thousand dollars a month doesn’t begin to cover the expenses of a family of eight. But with new restrictions on how long you can draw unemployment, we quickly exhausted even that. We quickly went through our savings and again cashed out all of Gary’s retirement to live on. Things were already grim when Gary had a major car accident in April.
One of if not the most frightening experiences of my life was getting a call from Gary saying, "I’ve been in a car wreck, and I’m hurt. I’m hurt bad." Like other times, Gary had been working whatever temporary jobs he could find, and his current position was slinging metal on night shift, for a company that supplies metal to all of the metal workers in the Tampa Bay area, an immensely physical job. A job that he wasn’t going to be able to do for at least 6 months. God again placed us on the heart of some of his children, and a sister Church sent us a large check that kept us in our home for several months. We were floored, flabbergasted, and stunned that anyone could think that much of us, and while Gary was healing it took away the stresses of finances for us, a real blessing indeed.
Now as Gary struggles to find any work, even temporary or part time work, and all of our funds have been depleted again, we are facing a foreclosure on the house after spending a year and a half trying to sell it. I have been scared and worried, at the prospect of walking through a foreclosure. I know that He doesn’t have to provide a way out this time, but I do know that He cares for us. I don’t know how the Lord can provide a way out this time, but I know He is able. So, I am forcing myself to trust in Him again, despite my anxiety.
I don’t know what would have happened next in my dream, whether that was enough for the strange televangelist line up, because I woke up. I just figure God sent me a weird enough dream that I’d remember it, and that being reminded of the Providence of God thus far in our lives encourages me and keeps the anxiety in check. Or maybe it was merely my subconscious reminding me of things I already know and need to remember in the strange mishmash of a dream.
When things seem darkest and at their most bleak, it often helps me to recount God’s providential care in my life, and this is certainly the most dire and scary situation we have been in thus far on the job front. Please pray for us, for guidance, encouragement, and a good job where Gary can provide for our family. It is especially hard on him wanting to provide, but being unable to do so.
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