Oct 14th

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan signed a proclamation declaring October Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in the United States. The purpose of setting aside a month to recognize the many lives lost through miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death helps to increase public awareness and encourage research that would help not only grieving families, but hopefully decrease such losses in the future. In 2001 in an effort to help destigmatize pregnancy and infant loss a few families affected by the deaths of their children petitioned congress to make the 15th day of October an official holiday, and the US House of Representatives passed a resolution to that effect in 2006. Several other countries also recognized October 15th in wake of the movement in the United States including the United Kingdom, Canada, and Australia. Tomorrow night around the world countless families will participate in the Wave of Light in remembrance.
The foremost purpose of the day is so that families don't have to feel alone, that their children are forgotten, or even worse never noted to begin with. One in four women will be affected by child loss either in pregnancy, at birth, or during the first year of life. Often considered taboo the parents have no where to turn for support. Others may discover for the first time that friends or family have experienced such a loss only after making their own loss public. This secrecy and shame around child loss only serves to further isolate families, and makes coping more difficult.
Depression, anxiety, and PTSD common in those who have lost a child. 16 to 20% of marriages crumble in the wake of child loss, and a significant number of parents turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol or drugs. Too often these things are ignored by health care professionals as understandable, and friends and family feel to understand the grief following pregnancy and infant loss. However, better support of those who experience child loss, beginning with addressing it out loud helps to decrease these tendencies. PAILS Awareness helps to combat the silence and provide resources for the grieving family. PAILS Remembrance Day sets aside a day to recognize each of the brief lives and give families a chance to talk about their children that are no longer with them.
We like so many families have been touched by pregnancy loss, enduring the stillbirth of our daughter after she passed away at around 22 weeks. Like so many of those families who have expereienced such loss we will be participating in this year's "Wave of Light." Robyn Bear, one of those initial women who petitioned for October 15 to be recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, began this tradition in 2021. They ask that in every time zone across the world to light a candle at 7 pm in remembrance of our babies who are gone. This creates a wave of light around the world, 24 hours of recognition of PAILS and it's affect on families. Each year I light Abigail's candle and stop to remember the names of so many babies that should be here today. Of children of our friends that have been loss. Each loss matters - no matter if the loss was early in pregnancy or of SIDS just shy of their first birthday, no matter if they were a first child or a last child, no matter if a couple has lost just one child or many. Each life matters and deserves to be remembered. I would encourage you to take the time to light a candle to remember Abigail and others that you might now. Take a picture and share it on social media, then reach out and tell a parent that you are thinking of them, ask them about their child. Be the kind of person that supports those who grieve, and let them heal by remembering their child.
