I've talked before on the importance of One on One time with our kids, but today I'd like to focus more on the habit of cuddle nights. You can call these anything you like, but the practice of spending time with an individual child at bedtime is a powerful tool in your parenting journey.
Why practice this at bedtime?
The kids love the idea of uninterrupted time where they are your focus, but why at bedtime. In the evening, when everyone else has gone to bed, it feels special to them that they get to stay up anywhere between a half hour and an hour. Additionally, they are more likely to talk at night. Something about night time and a still house makes them feel safe to share things they might otherwise not. We often allow them to have a special snack or do a special activity in the evening to encourage them to open up as well.
But if your children are more talkative in the morning and you have time around your daily routine, you might get up early and talk together over a cup of coffee and a hot chocolate. The biggest challenge to other times of day is managing distractions whether that's a to-do-list, other obligations, or even another child.
How does this work?
One on one time with your children gives you a chance to enjoy one another. Too often parenting is about telling your children what needs to be done, and following through to see that it is done. Whether it's chores, personal hygiene, homework. Sometime parenting begins to feel like the drudgery of commands for both you and your kids. It's good to be able to come back to a situation where you can just enjoy one another, and remember all the good things about having children. And not children in general but this specific child.
Individual time with your children is an important way to invest in them. It gives your children the ability to connect with you on a personal level. I can't tell you how many good conversations come out of this time we spend together. The most important thing, even if you are having hard conversations is to have a positive time together. I may occasionally discuss problem areas a child is having, and if I need to have the conversation I bring it up in a gentle way encouraging them to share what underlying problem they might be having. Sometimes they have questions about parenting decisions. I never fuss at or berate them in these hard conversations and I don't get defensive. We always talk like partners in solving a problem, so they can understand. I find these conversations are also easier when they are separated from the actual events of the day.
Our kids don't actually avail themselves of cuddle night every week. So sometimes I have cuddle nights Monday through Thursday with all four of the kids, and sometimes just one or two might have a cuddle night in a given week. This habit not only gives them a voice but it makes them feel safe and secure with us. If I need to skip a cuddle night because I'm wore out and not feeling well, or if they don't have anything particular to share and decide to skip they always know there is another cuddle night next week.
Benefits of Cuddle Nights with Kids
At it's heart cuddle nights are about quality one on one time, and while I've shared this before it's good to be reminded. 10 Minutes of Quality Time further defines the benefits determined through several studies in support of quality time. By spending time with our children individually and having those meaningful interactions we are building their self-confidence and self-esteem, which in turn means that there are less behavioral issues at home and at school because they feel valued and important. By having important conversations and allowing them to see how we handle adult interactions, we are building their emotional and mental health. They see us and very often model their behavior on what they see, so we have a great impact on how they express emotions and how they think. Finally, studies have even shown that quality time impacts a child's physical health, because children with healthy attachments to parents experience obesity less often. I would imagine it also improves stress related health conditions as well.
In Conclusion
No matter what you choose to do for your quality time, have a bowl of ice cream, play a board game, learn a new video game with your child, or just cuddle and talk, cuddle nights are an important practice in growing a healthy relationship with your children. I would encourage you to make a plan and start it with your children as soon as you are able. It's benefits are nothing to scoff at. I have found from personal experience it is the single best way to invest in my children and connect with them on a personal level. After all what would the point of having a large family be if you don't love and want to spend time with each person in it.
Comments